


weeping willows

by flymetomanchester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Fear of Death, M/M, ill tag those just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 23:58:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17877239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flymetomanchester/pseuds/flymetomanchester
Summary: dan has an untimely fear of death. sometimes it takes over his life.





	weeping willows

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be a short mini series 100% inspired by my own fear. 
> 
> or a sequel to my previous fix like this, dandelion hands.

How could he do anything, when he’s paralyzed with fear? When he’s trapped to the fabric on his bed? When his bedsheets tangle his feet and climb its way up to suffocate him in his sleep? You can’t. It’s not even living at this point. It’s only surviving.

For the third time in two hours, tears brimmed in Dan’s eyes. His chest heaved in pain, like something heavy, an iron anvil if he had to name an object, was sitting on his chest. Crushing his bones and his very being. The pressure pressed on his ribs to the point he swore they would snap and break. Shakily he breathed in, his breath hitching and catching, and closed his eyes.

_His eyes hurt._

Around his lower lash line was swollen. Under and running down his cheeks were puffy from crying and his skin is raw. Raw from rubbing his eyes so much and praying for some kind of help. A help he couldn’t have yet still desperately prayed for. It would claw its way up against him and be a constant reminder of what he wanted. What he longed for. What he needed.

_His eyes burn. With each blink. Each painful blink it grows worse and worse._

The light stung his eyes, which is why he had all the light off and his blinds drawn to block the light out. This was the reality now. Block out every depth of the world and he would be okay. Don’t let anyone in and to see the pain he felt, see him like this daily.

Closing his eyes, Dan felt like he was sinking. Sinking into his mattress to fall to an untimely death that he couldn’t prevent. His blankets were covering his upper thighs and torso, while his sheet was tangled in his feet. It was added weight that he couldn’t feel to move.

_And all for what?_

To live a life where he would fear every movement he made? Wonder day in and day out if the choice was the right one to make and hope for the best? Where he was constantly in a battle with himself over the future?

There was a knock at his bedroom door. Was Phil back? Had it been a week already since he left? It shouldn’t be Saturday already. It was only Wednesday last time he checked. How could he let time slip by like this?

_His hand is numb now._

He wasn’t sure what he did, not that he ever was. Dan was oblivious to the things he caused to himself until it was too late to fix things. He never paid attention until it was too late. It happened many times before.

He remembers how when he and Phil had just moved in together. Dan was sure he could handle his depression on his own, how he blocked Phil out. He would go for walks hours on end, scaring Phil. Phil would be in a panic when he came back going off and all Dan could do was stand there. Stand there and listen for a relief that would never come his way.

The knocking after a moment stopped. Footsteps carried themselves through the hall until they came back to the door. Not a shed of worry or panic flowed through Dan. How could it when he was worried about how things would go in the future? There was a jingle almost as if someone was digging at a lock. Did he lock his door?

Maybe if it was Phil, things could be okay. But if it wasn’t him, maybe things would be okay too. He lost all hope through the week, now he only relied on a will.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> you can catch me over on tumblr [@rwdaf](https://rwdaf.tumblr.com)!


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